They Didn’t Earn It

One week in March my two daughters brought home a total of six award ribbons and two medals.  I’m not bragging. I’m actually expressing frustration.

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One daughter did earn two of her four ribbons and the youngest did earn one of her two ribbons.  They both entered artwork in a community art show.  As their mother, of course I liked their art and a few of the pieces will be hung on a wall, not just the fridge.  I’m proud of the ribbons they were given for actually placing, but I am annoyed with the” honorable mention” ribbons they brought home just because they entered the show.  Every piece of art, for all who entered had a ribbon  placed on it.

Oh, and the medals?  They were given them because they were in a parade!  No, they did not receive a performance award in the parade.  The organization they were representing handed them out just for being there.  When I was young the opportunity to be in a parade was exciting enough.  I certainly didn’t need a medal to feel good about it.

As a family we try to avoid activities which award kids for meeting minimal expectations for a few reasons:

1)  Lessons can be learned in losing.  If you see someone else carrying a trophy or wearing a medal and you are not, you will develop a desire to work harder to earn said award.

2)  Kids begin to expect a prize or award for everything they do.  They become too extrinsically motivated instead of developing the intrinsic motivation, the desire which comes from within themselves.  We want kids to do well because it feels good to them, not because of something someone hands to them.

3)  It minimizes the achievement to the kids who put in the hard work and preparation to win.  Is it right that one who reads about the activity, practices the activity at home as well as in organized practice, and who puts for their best efforts in practice (not just there to socialize) walks out with the same award?  I don’t think so.

I hope our family stance on this will provide positive outcomes for our children.

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