It has been a custom in our family to try to avoid all things Christmas until after Thanksgiving dinner. We don’t wear Christmas themed clothes or sweaters until after Thanksgiving. We don’t listen to Christmas music until we put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving, which is our tradition instead of joining the craziness of Black Friday shopping. The girls are not to start talking about what they want for Christmas. (This never sticks, and as the main gift shopper a little discussion about this early on is helpful.) Even I would do my part by not ordering a Peppermint Mocha or buying Peppermint Bark until after Thanksgiving! My husband and I made this effort with the best of intentions to be sure our girls were filled with gratitude before joining in with the commercialism “I wants” of the Christmas season.
This year seems different. When the girls weren’t with me, I admit, I have already had a few Peppermint Mochas while enjoying conversation with friends. A few days after Halloween I heard Christmas music coming from upstairs. I went up and the oldest quickly turned it off. With a smile on my face I told her she could leave it on, but while pointing my finger told her to keep it in her room. Guess who decided to stay in that room with a Pandora Christmas station playing and help her put away her laundry?!?! My little one excitedly played her favorite Christmas CD in her bedroom. A few days later we were listening to Christmas music in the family room and in the kitchen. It’s not constant. It’s not frequent. It does bring joy.
I don’t think it’s completely wrong to experience a little early some aspects of the wonderful, miraculous season that is Christmas. My husband isn’t even complaining about it or expressing concern that we aren’t taking time to be thankful first. The girls seem to know how to minimize their toy catalog gazing and discussions. When they do discuss, because I have asked for planning purposes, the conversation is about a gift they want for the two of them to SHARE. They have favorite traditional carols which remind them of Christ, the true gift of Christmas. They are thinking ahead about what gifts to give to others.
Why has it changed this year? Nothing has changed for the girls other than I am not stifling their Christmas spirit. What has changed for me? I think it has something to do with the events over the past few months in our national and world news. We are all in need of the extra joy and love the Christmas season brings. We need Christ every day, but it seems as a society we naturally think of Him more at Christmas. We need to keep our focus on Him in these trying times of our world.
We have not forgotten Thanksgiving. We take time to give thanks every day. Instead of the children feeling like we are getting through Thanksgiving before doing anything related to Christmas, this week we will joyfully prepare for our family Thanksgiving.
12/23/2016 I’m reposting this as a reminder to enjoy the peace and love of Christmas with your families as Mary did. I’m quite certain the stable was not perfect.
I catch myself doing it from time to time; you know, trying to make a holiday or other special day perfect. I’m certainly not a perfectionist, but for some reason these ideals creep into my mind around holidays like Christmas or Easter and when I am hosting birthday parties for my children. I find myself getting so caught up in these ideals that it causes me stress which results in my own unhappiness and grumpiness, and worse yet, it steals the happiness from the people whom I am trying to bring joy. It’s a vicious cycle.
It was the day before Easter Sunday this year when I started feeling it. I had not slept well the night before, I had to get the kids to an egg hunt, bake the bunny cake (which was a new thing for us this year, but we were all looking forward to it) and dye the eggs. Not to mention tidy the house in preparation for my brother and his wife who would be here for dinner on Sunday. Oh, and finish the routine laundry and prepare a regular Saturday dinner. My daughter entered the kitchen with anticipation inquiring, “Are we dying eggs or baking the bunny cake first?” I must have worn the stress on my face and probably didn’t realize I let out a frustrated sigh. That’s when sadness appeared on her face and she said to me, “Why aren’t you happy?” Whoa! What? Yikes, what am I doing? OK, I know what I need…a power nap, but there is really not time and I just had a cup of coffee so sleep won’t happen. I really just need to relax and maybe prioritize. What is the priority? Eggs or bunny cake? Neither. The priority is to build happy memories with my girls. It is for them to see the love of Jesus as we celebrate Easter, not the grumpiness of Mommy. We colored the eggs together and then prepared the cake batter. Things worked out. Instead of having a homemade dinner that night, we ended up having Chipotle for dinner on our way back from the grocery store, and that’s okay. I got some other things done while, get this, they decorated the bunny cake all by themselves. It looked great and tasted delicious!
The very next week as I was getting my daughter’s 6th Birthday Tea Party ready and I started to feel it again….the desire for it to be perfect. The day before the party my oldest, confident after the success of the Bunny Cake, made and decorated the birthday cupcakes all by herself. My birthday girl and I set out the activities and filled the favor bags together. I had put off buying the flowers and balloons until the day of the party so they would be fresh. The morning of the tea party, I started feeling the frantic feeling again of having things tidy, prepared and perfect. My birthday girl was cleaning off the coffee table and brought me a bookmark which she thought was mine so I could put it away. “Keep Calm and Pray” were the words on the bookmark. That was all I needed for a reality check. I said a quick little prayer and remembered that ten years from now, or even tomorrow, it won’t matter if I had the fruit cut in cute little shapes to match the sandwiches. The party doesn’t have to be perfect to bring my sweet little six year old and her friends happiness.
Am I cured? Will I never again stress about an event or occasion? Probably not. I do think I will catch myself early enough to keep calm and pray, and remember that happiness does not equal perfection.